Coach Flip Naumburg's Journal

Thursday, November 16, 2006

ANALYZE THIS

Okay, let's take a further look at what might make me think that wife Ada is losing her love of the game (lacrosse).  I don't want to lose our best fan. Well, could it have anything to do with the fact that for quite some time now coaching lacrosse at CSU has somehow not afforded me as much of the simple luxury of a little extra happiness to bring home and to share with the real family?  Happiness is the stuff that the coaching activity supposedly fills me up with. 

Ya' think she noticed that it was missing?

And could that all remotely relate to the fact that I spend 90 percent or so of my coaching 'career' anymore doing things other than coaching at any level. These are items or issues that I am either really or possibly just supposedly responsible for? 

Don't be paranoid! 

From travel arrangements, scheduling games, and all the way to baby-sitting chores I am doing many things (this includes worrying and fretting as well) that I do only because I must or I'm supposed to do it, or the buck stops at Flip so I have to become involved.

It's all worth it, right?

COACHING AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE

When it comes to coaching, one thing becomes ever more clear to me.  There is pretty much only one part that I continue to anticipate each time with eagerness; to enjoy the process even when tricky or difficult; and to really revel in, as in, "Where did the time go?" once it is over.  There is only one part of coaching that draws my passion to the surface consistently and makes the 'volunteer' part almost worth it.  That thing is the mentoring/teaching itself.  This coaching animal is the part that is becoming an endangered species in my natural life, as in I don't get to be it enough and the rest of the stress involved with simple program survival is kind of killing me while the outside forces evolve in their own ways. 

Things need to come closer together, not get farther apart, but I feel sure they are, don't I?  Yes, I do. So, what's the problem?

EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY LORDY

Could Ada's lack of compassion have anything to do with the fact that the only thing she sees when she looks at me when I am thinking about almost anything about my life as a coach at CSU is a worried or a scared or a burnt out kind of man who is at the end of his tether as well as lacking any kind of a sunny or hopeful disposition. This all is a result of everything except the actual coaching, the teaching of players to play better individually or together and stuff like that. 

Something is not balanced here.

ACCURACY, CONSISTENCY, DURABILITY, DEPENDABILITY

The effort that comes from the TRUE passion one uses to get the group to achieve more will always remain one of the great loves (tough loves included) of my life, and there haven't been that many of those great loves in my self-centered life so far.  That is probably either because of or it is in spite of my past view of myself as the 'original' Renaissance man, that is, one who can do it all. 

The point is that I do love the whole endeavor, the pleasure that comes along with the pain or effort of seeking the summit.  The valuing of the process is equally important to the most precious thing on earth. When work is fun, special is always a possibility.

GET BACK ON THE HORSE

I am oldish, and I therefore question myself almost daily, but I still feel like I can contribute in a major way to the building and varnishing of a lacrosse (any kind of) team.  I crave the challenge of making decisions inside the game.  The mixture of teaching, psychology, and searching/finding the motivational means seems to fit my particular desired passionate pursuit. Coach fit the hand that I was dealt like it was a glove.  I love those precious minutes on the green or somewhat green playing surfaces of life and when I have the whistle around my neck, close to my lips.  These times can never be long enough to suit me.

WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO REBUILD HIM

The truth is that I have, as THE coach, always been the 'fall guy'.  It is the job of any coach regardless of what he is paid to do it.  I never minded that part as much when I still got to really coach as much as I wanted 'on the side'.  Those days appear long gone at times.  Besides less time on the field, now I and we are being held to rules more and more strict and farther-reaching than ever before. 

I am not sure if I want to be held to something that might be impossible to live up to under even the rosiest of circumstances.  Even if I did believe in all these 'standards,' and many of them I really do, I am not sure if I am capable of getting it all perfect anyway, and that would be even if I spent my entire life trying to be Inspector Clouseaux and sneak up on every potential detail or flaw.  Kids will never be perfect, on or off the field.  Punishment is not always the only solution for falling short I think, but if that were really true I trust I would not be feeling as I have come to feel lately. 

My ultimate hope is that the win-win concept that I strived for and felt so good about for so long in my life has not achieved obsolescence.  We shall see.

BY THE TIME I GET TO PHOENIX….

The stress alone of taking a trip with 50 kids is starting to kill me and that can't be a good way to live.  They are good kids, practically perfect about many things, but all I do anyway is worry that if one kid is wearing a CSU lacrosse t-shirt and acts rude in an elevator in Duluth that the whole program will somehow go down and in the process I am the publicly weak link, having never set foot in Duluth personally.  This can't be a great mind set for me to travel around in.

Now don't ever get me wrong, I talk early and often about things like airport action, alcohol, etc. use, abuse and its place and lack of same, and I even touch on elevator etiquette, but that talk stuff is not magic by itself, no matter how motivated my words might be.  I want them to make great choices on and off the field.  One is no different from the other to me.  The good decisions will all quickly add up to a far bigger equation in my simple mind, and the ultimate answer I seek is hardly a secret.

THEY CALL ME COACH, or at least they better….

I admit freely that all I can do anymore is coach.  I am no good, nor do I desire to become too well equipped for all the other stuff that 'comes with the job'.  I work hard on my administrative and other weaknesses to compensate for them and to ameliorate whatever and wherever I can inside the program. I am not just Type A. I do not, nor have I ever stacked paper clips as my first wife did. I have lots of both A and B.

MOTIVATED BY POLITICS

At the same time (while I whine) I want and like having and being part of a big organization with lots of people and money flowing in and out, hopefully seamlessly.  I like running this 'big' organization, at least in theory.  We are doing pretty well, fiscally, anymore, too, and then of course, once you become part of the CSU lacrosse family, you are in the family anytime and for all time.

IN THE HOUSE

I have always liked the checks and balances thing in 'my' group much more than the chain of command thing.  That is how I like to work.  This can at times be confused with anarchy, but then who cares where a good idea comes from as long as it comes? 

An organization with good, clean checks and honest, fair balances will always produce a successful product or result.  At least that is what I think, and I try to keep the channels of communication tuned in high and tight towards achieving this end. 

I like where we have gotten to as a "CLUB" very much. 

DROP AND GIVE ME 50

Then I look around and see that the longer I do this, the less time I spend actually coaching.  It has all become protocol of one sort or another, and again truth be told, when it comes to protocol and the repetition thereof, I am pretty much your basic Anti-Christ. 

Ah, what I would give for a 'job' where I could just coach and do the Godfather thing while others took care of many of the other things (under my direction).

WHAT UP GIRL?

So, to get back to where we once belonged, I just don't get Ada's attitude.   I mean we have four 'happy endings' (national championships, and the rest of them, save 2005 and eligibility gate, haven't looked so bad either in the big picture of accomplishments for one single team in 8 years.  We have 4 national titles in those 8 years, and in the 10-year history of our Division.  BYU has 2 and UCSB has two.  No one else (let's just say way over 100 teams eligible) has even been in more than one final game, let alone won it.  We have been to seven finals in 8 years.  Even that somewhat incredible run was only blemished by eligibility gate '05. 

Everyone who cares knows who would have played in that particular final of 2005 had we been there in Minnesota, regardless of whether so-and-so were academically eligible or not.

LIFE WILL ALWAYS HAVE AT LEAST 22 CATCHES.  I KNOW THIS

Lest we forget about that '05 academic eligibility thing, it was, but then it wasn't my job to keep players academically eligible and check on that with regularity.  You see I am not really 'part of the school'. Those who were part of it, and who were supposed to monitor things were reminded by me of what to do and when to do it, but of course I went on faith.  And by the way I do like to work on faith in general, but certain things need more than that. 

Of course and however, who is the idiot when so and so ended up with less then 12 credit hours during that spring of '05?  Well, sure Sarge, it were me.  It were my fault. I have email even if it is one of them Mac computers that I use.  I knew all the deadlines and the league guidelines more or less, too.

All the rules and datelines had passed over my desk, and in due time I'm sure.  Well, that is they would find my desk if I actually had an office, but since I don't then they obviously just went right on past my desktop.

At any rate I zipped my mouth back then and tried to take all the stress and bad endings internally as much as I could, but that couldn't help those most hurt by what happened.  The losers were 'my' Nick Harpers, the ones that did everything while going only in the right direction. 

These many were the ones that had to pay for the academic tailgate issue of one naïve lacrosse player that I 'allowed' on the team.  It's my fault.  I should have known.  It would be silly of me to expect a senior Team Captain to do the right thing, even after I had pestered him almost daily about academics and getting that part of life right.

AND IN THE END THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE?

Winning is not ever going to be enough for me. In fact it only scratches my surface.  At least that is how it is in my mind. I want so much more.

Meanwhile, every time the phone rings, my heart does a flip. What's next? Should I feel guilty or can I just worry some more?

IT'S ALL GOOD?

In spite of all this whatever, I should have a permanent grin right?  We have won, right?  That's what counts.  Yeah, that's right, we have won it all.  We have hit the homerun more than once, so I must be automatically happy.  The body of work speaks for itself, right? 

THE NEXT PITCH IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE THROWN

Well, there has surely been no joy for me in this 2006 edition of, or should I say addition to my little town of Mudville.  For me it's always about how and what must take place to facilitate more of what is better than what we already are or have. 

Positive has given us so much, why would we want to go in any other direction?.

PANNING FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE AND THE AMERICAN WAY

For whatever reasons something is not right and the river is indeed muddy for me just now.   Maybe the mucking is some kind of gold that I must sift out in order to use and or clear things up in the water.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS' PAST  

Maybe I was just the last one I live in the same house with to notice my own emerging discouragement.  Something must change, though, and I'm afraid it has to do with more support and not less because here we are "the champions" yet I am already asking the somewhat scary and negative questions of, "How will it all look in five years if nothing changes?"  I know I don't want to go to that less than happy place where I suspect it might be. I currently fear that I also may almost no longer have enough of the faith that I can and will be able to change things only for the better.  That darkened view is not new, and certainly not a fresh angle for me to ponder.  It scares me a little anyway.

EGG SHELLS UNDER THE ROLLER COASTER

Now we await a new fate about to unfold, one that will be decided upon us I fear and not with us.  Here we go again, but I can't write or have an opinion about anything in here because that would be just 'wrong'….. again.   Wait, why do I write this stupid thing?

I coach on eggshells and I write with handcuffs on.  Do you think anyone will notice? 

So, what is Ada's problem?  After all, we have won 4 times and she got to go to different cities and do lots of things, like go to malls from Tallahassee all the way to Tacoma.

PLEASE DON'T EAT THAT.  IT WILL SPOIL YOUR APPETITE

All this junk that I can't talk about is eating me up like an artichoke right now, leaf by leaf.  We are getting close to the center, to only what is left, to the heart of the matter if you will.  When that is eaten and gone there will be nothing left.  I want to stop before it gets there.

So, on a bittersweet note I say to my bride, "Happy anniversary" again.  I will try to be home soon. Your heart knows everything.

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Flip Started Blogging Before it was Cool, Read Over 400 of His Entries Since January 2001
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